I had the luck of earning an opportunity to go to breakfast this AM with our GM – the regional one who happened to be in CT/NY for a couple days and one thing we got to talk about was balance.
Happiness in not just one out of x number of aspects of our lives, but our life as one, being happy in one area means being happy with everything.
So as I sat at the Greenwich Train station to head back to Stamford to meet hubs on my day off, I realized I am balanced. Fully balanced.
I mean, there’s always room for improvement. I can always be doing more – more for Hubs and I’s relationship, more for myself to be a better person (running more, doing yoga more, eating better…etc…), and doing more for work – but for the very first time since I graduated college in 2006, I truly feel balanced.
There’s no drama in any aspect of my life. I have healthy relationships for once with both parents. I am content with my yoga practice (though I’m certainly trying to increase it), and my running (am so far behind on my training but am still feeling really good about everything). I love my job. Hubs and I communicate so well and we’re so very happy and lucky that things are finally looking up for us.
I have a healthy balance in each area and it’s so true that if one of those aspects – social life, relationships, family, or work – is out of sync, or there’s a certain level of unhappiness with any aspect of your life, it affects all the areas.
I finally realized that that was what was bringing me down for the past few months. I was unbalanced. I was unmotivated, unhappy and damn near unwilling to consider doing anything about it, convinced that things would just…happen and that somehow, like everything else that has happened to me in my life, I would get lucky.
They don’t, in case anyone was wondering.
At some point, I need(ed) to reaffirm my self-worth because sometimes? I get down on myself and let the haters get to me and let all the negativity from my past bring me down in the present which is just…unfair to myself and to those around me. Smoke won’t always be blown up my ass to make me feel worthy of being good enough for x, y, or z. I shouldn’t need others to reaffirm my worth and that I’m not a complete – pardon my french – fuck up (even though I certainly felt like one for the better half of the past year).
I was talking about my little blog that could here today at breakfast, how I want to publish a book someday – new goal (since I work for a company that values goal setting) is to have draft one completed by the end of this year, and published within the next FIVE years. Doable? Totally. I need to commit to writing, since I have it outlined, and I know what I want to write, I just need to do it. But I mentioned how I get…self conscious of my writing. I know my grammar isn’t the greatest, but I can kick my husband’s ass in scrabble and if you heard me talk, you’d realize that this is certainly my “voice.” And so what if I’m comma happy, and so what if I start sentences with AND. SO WHAT?
My coworker and GM said to me “well obviously you must be a pretty awesome writer if you have x number of subscribers.”
True.
I never thought of it like that. Insert admittance of crazy paranoia here. Seriously, I’ve had some bad experiences in the friend department, so I get a little paranoid about genuineness.
Balance. Self affirmation.
I can totally do this. I am happy and not only that, I am quickly realizing that I am worthy of my happiness AND my success. I have the oh so coveted balance. That deserves a wholehearted YAY! 
Do you have a good balance in your life? Ever need to reaffirm with yourself your worth?
