I find that there’s one god awful part of dealing with this whole “career transition” crap.
Rejection.
All those unanswered inquiries; emails asking for advice – not even a job – mere advice: “how did you get to where you are. What do you suggest for someone looking to transition careers?” Those unanswered job applications and grad school telling you that you’re just..not good enough.
A friend of mine has applied to grad school two years in a row. Taking pre-reqs for the past year and yet, still rejected.
Me? I got rejected big time last week – though not entirely surprising – but I got, around 3pm in the afternoon, a big fat rejection from Teach for America.
At first, I was immensely disappointed. I thought, despite my…not-so-horrible-but-could-have-been-better academics (that were constantly getting BETTER after a disastrous freshman year which resulted in me losing a sizable scholarship, my own fault. I know.), I was hoping that the passion I “showed” (as much as one can show in a 500 word MAX personal statement with at least SIX specific questions to answer) would give me something.
I want to teach. I’m not giving up on this. I want to teach, and inspire and just because one program didn’t want me…doesn’t mean I won’t teach ever.
It just probably wasn’t the best program for ME.
Now, thinking about it, and reading different things about the program and the type of people it takes, it seems, and I know this isn’t ALWAYS the case, nor does this mere assumption mean it’s everyone. But the criticisms of the program are that it’s a breeding ground for Ivy-Leaguer’s who can survive on the Bank of Mom & Dad while working to help the greater good so they can get into some Ivy League Law School/Med School/Grad school…etc…
Now, I don’t think everyone who goes into the program falls under that boat. However, I do think they do a certain injustice to the schools to not necessarily picking people who want to be career teachers. Their website boasts about people who leave the program and go on to do great things like go to law school or work for Goldman Sachs.
Shouldn’t a program that hires students who want to be “educational leaders” encourage them to be…teachers? Now, I understand that many do go on to become teachers and I have a lot of respect for them. But…for those that don’t, nor have any intention of doing so, I worry that it’s a huge disservice to the students.
I don’t think a good teacher can be determined by a GPA above 3.0. I don’t think a good teacher can be hand picked because they had quantifiable leadership skills (sorry, i forgot to mention those…i have quite a few from college too) like going on Alternative Spring Break. I could rant on and on about how I’m a leader blah blah blah, but what’s the use reciting my resume off when I should have done that in my essay. Wamp wamp right?
What about someone who learned from life, who learned from working hard and not seeing a difference and wanting to make a difference in the world? Does that not count for something?
I dunno, I can handle rejection. I’ve had a lot of it in my 26 1/2 years. I’m not bitter for not being chosen for the next round, I knew it was a long shot given the number of applicants who are significantly more qualified than they thought I was. But I do think that, regardless where I teach, and however I get there, I want to do the best I can for all of my students because really it’s not about the teachers – it’s about the students and ensuring they receive the best possible education to help them achieve all they possibly can in life. Ultimately, I want to teach much longer than a two year TFA contract.
I decided a long time ago that I was going to make a difference, that I was going to make someone’s life…better. And I will. It won’t be from policy as I had hoped, it won’t be from working for a shady non-profit without any results. I will teach, I will coach. I will have a career.
Sometimes though, amidst all the hurdles, the view of the goal gets hazy and I get a little self-absorbed in my own frustrations but I must remind myself not to give up. If this is what I want – and it is – I need to keep going, and keep “plugging” as my mother would say of my relentless job search that has encompassed twenty-thirty cold emails seeking advice, two grad school applications, a number of private school internship/teaching assistantships, substitute teacher applications and a few recommendation letters later. It’s tiresome, it’s draining, and I just…I’m restless.
So, soon freaders, I’ll be tutoring in a charter school here in “Empowerment City” as my pal V calls it – I often find it hard to feel empowered but today, this past weekend in Vermont, I’m reminded that unlike some of my cousins who…are…”unsavory” (as my bff’s ex-fiance once called him)….I’m going somewhere. It just takes time to get there and I need to be patient. And I can sit here and beat myself up for not pursuing it to begin with, but reminiscing and letting myself get engrossed with the “what if’s” just gets me nowhere. So last week, I set up a tutoring/volunteering position. This week, I’m applying to part time jobs because oh mah goodness I need to get out more, and I’m starting junior league this week, and despite the rejection and unanswered emails and job inquiries…
…I have a lot to look forward to and that? Gives me hope.
Because as John Edwards (the dirty sleezeball) said in 2004 on the floor of the DNC (I WAS THERE!!!)…”hope is on the way.” And freaders? It is. I have faith.
