Not Good Enough

by Heidi on January 4, 2010

I’ve eluded, albeit briefly, about my struggles making the career transition to teaching on this blog. Mostly about the various hurdles in getting into a state approved program to get my CT Teaching Certification. The regret that I face daily, about some of my decisions in college, continuously haunt me to the core (for instance, pursuing poli sci alone rather than with a minor in education. With which, I would have left NU with a masters in Teaching. Kick! Kick! Kick!).

However, the most jarring of all of this, is the fact that someone close to me recently told Hubs and I that perhaps I “should have done better” in college, and that perhaps I wasn’t at all qualified to ever teach.

My heart hurts just thinking about that.

Once, in college, I really liked this dude in pep band with me. All of my friends laughed at me – he was rather nerdy – but he was an upper classman and I thought he was cute. So I pursued him, even though he repeatedly told me he wanted only to be friends. Somehow, we ended up dating, albeit briefly. After he ended things, he told me it was because he didn’t think I “was good enough” for him. That he dated me for the sole reason that he felt sorry for me.

At 18, that was the most heart wrenching thing anyone could have told me. I remember tears, then anger, then moving on. That was, until December 2005, the worst thing a boy had ever said to me. The Ex quickly replaced that on a cold night in December, but I won’t get into that. That, is one fight that I have no desire to rehash.

I digress. Having someone near and dear to me, think that I’m not a. good enough to teach, b. not qualified to teach because I didn’t have a 4.0 or go to an ivy league school; c. tell Hubs and I as much is frustrating, hurtful, and downright appalling.

However, this just gives me more drive. Once upon a time, until I went to DC and lost self-esteem and self-confidence thanks to awful jobs and even awfuller, unethical bosses, but prior to that, I was confident, ambitious, and somewhat egotistical.

I am proud to say, that this morning, I have applied to a teaching assistant program, have two applications in process for a substitute teaching job, and an internship job at a charter school. I will NOT let anyone tell me that I am not good enough. I will NOT let anyone tell me I can’t (someone laughed at me when I signed up for my first marathon, in May, I’ll be running my fourth. Take that!). I will NOT let anyone tell me that my hard work isn’t good enough because I HAVE worked hard. I have accomplished a lot! Sure, I didn’t student teach, or go through a teaching preparation program but I did have real life experiences that made me self-assured, that allowed me to see our Democracy from the front seat and that allowed me to know for certain, at the end of the day that I want to teach.

So I made a few bad choices, so I failed ONE class in college (it was a CORE I Science class!!!), does that mean that I won’t ever be a teacher? I think. Not.

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Tagged as: careers, CT, life, teaching, transitions

  • http://oncommonground.blogspot.com The Missus

    It always shocks me to see people be so blatantly mean and bully-ish. And it always shocks me to see people put such a strong emphasis on grades from university, and that that alone makes you worthy of pursuing your dreams.

    I always laugh when I hear about someone in the interactive marketing field (the field I work in) pursuing a masters degree. It is not needed, won’t get you any additional money and is a waste of time… As the industry is ever-changing and they would be better served to stay active in the field. Don’t get me wrong, masters programs and good grades are critical for certain professions, but certainly not for mine. I graduated with a B MINUS average from both high school and university. And I did university in just under four years.

    Getting high grades or attending an Ivy league institution was not one of my dreams. Graduating from a respectable institution with a ton of practical experience in four years was my dream.

    Failing a class in university certainly won’t limit you. And you should refuse to stop going after your dreams just because other “simple-minded” and “uncreative” people tell you it will. (FYI: My boss failed a course in university. And he is my boss. A senior executive within a big network.)

    What will distinguish you from other candidates is how you choose to look at life and pursue making your dreams come true. Choose to live in a daily life that has possibility and is grateful to have you there. Don’t waste your time worrying what that nasty person said to you.

    You don’t have energy to waste on them. Apparently they are wasting their energy projecting negative thoughts onto you. And how sad for them, you know?

  • http://www.trishryanonline.com Trish Ryan

    Don’t let the jerks get you down. They’re wrong. You’re right. And it is SO MUCH FUN to succeed in front of people who took the time to tell you how certain they were you’d fail. You’re on an adventure, and the course isn’t mapped out. That doesn’t mean it won’t be a great, fun, rewarding trip. Hang on & enjoy :)

  • http://www.creatingnirvana.com Vanessa

    Never let anyone tell you you are not good enough. You are as good as you think you are and when you start letting others decide how good you are, you loose yourself in small bits and pieces. Set your own bar, don’t let the bar be set by someone who isn’t in your very own shoes. Don’t look back and view the past as mistakes, they were opportunities from growth and sometimes growth hurts. If you hadn’t had the experiences of the past, you wouldn’t be where you are today. And where you are today, while temporarily unemployed, is a pretty damn good place to be!

  • http://www.tfaadventure.com Wes

    This is so close to home for me as well. In being unemployed and looking for a job one frequently questions the decisions they made. I am a poli sci major myself and graduated with barely a 3.0- 2.998 to be exact. What ppl rarely talk about is that one doesn’t have to be perfect to be successful. With my lackluster GPA I managed to get into TFA the place so many ppl said I couldn’t bc my gpa was too low. What matters is character and what you do outside of your “academic” success. PS men are asses…

    Wes

  • http://mjkfamily.blogspot.com/ Melissa

    I am so sorry people have been so mean to you in the past and more recently with your friend making comments about you becoming a teacher! Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. You seem to have a really strong desire to be a teacher and that’s half the battle right there. There are so many teachers who just go through the motions for their job and don’t really care, therefore, they’re not nearly as effective as the teachers who are motivated and give it their all (which is how you sound! I know how badly you want this!) Keep applying to private schools, you will eventually get into a certification program, and you WILL be a teacher someday! CT is one of the most difficult states to get certified in, I know that firsthand, so try not to get down on yourself about it!

    I think there’s a private school in New Canaan that does a teaching internship kind of thing. I forget the name of the school, but I would look into it if you haven’t already!

  • http://lizindc.blogspot.com Liz

    Sounds like I need to come to CT and kick some ass.

    I’ve recently have people- not as close to me as this person- laugh off me going to law school. They’ve also been the people that gave me crap for choosing Mason, not applying to top 30 law schools, or my decent but not great GPA/LSATs. My response is exactly like yours, and more power to you for saying, “Yeah? Screw you. I’m going to do fabulously!” and I know you will. You’re bright, you’re driven, and you’re going places.

    And ps: the lone class I failed in college? Constitutional Law.

    pps: People who are trying to bring you down are likely just plain jealous that you’re doing what you want.

  • Sonya

    Wow! How mean! I’ve known several teachers who didn’t have the best grades, but they are WONDERFUL teachers! They just have a gift! As long as you are willing to learn you’ll be fine! I don’t know many teachers who know everything. We specialize in what we teach and only that. I currently teach, but just finished my media specialist endorsement. I don’t know everything about all subjects but I can certainly find the information I need to know! Best of luck I can’t wait to hear more!

  • http://www.secretlysupergirl.wordpress.com A Super Girl

    Go you!!

  • Sarah

    As hard as it may be, don’t let that harsh and uncalled for negativity dissuade you from your dreams. Clearly you are smart enough for whatever field you choose and college grades are not the barometer of intelligence, by any means. It is frustrating that so much seems to hinge on your GPA. Keep in mind (as I’m sure you already know) that when programs state that you need to have had a blah.blah, that is rarely an absolute. I took 5 years off between undergrad and law school, rocked the LSAT, and ended up at a school I never thought I could get into and even got a partial scholarship. I also know that some graduate programs award provisional admission to people with lower scores or GPAs, contingent on remaining in good academic standing. Best of luck to you!!

  • http://www.erinuncensored.wordpress.com erin

    good for you. and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise!

  • http://themoderngal.blogspot.com The Modern Gal

    Wow. Who says something like that? Really, that boy had far more lessons to learn than you did.

    It’s all about hard work, and you’ve already realized that and are putting that hard work in. I’d say good luck, but I don’t think you really need it.

  • http://fashion4economicallychallenged.blogspot.com/ fashion4economicallychallenged

    Wow, some people are so rude. I just started to read your blog, but you seem like a pretty ambitious person to me. I have decided that there will always be someone smarter, prettier, skinnier, and better all around than me, but then again there will always be someone who is meaner, plumper, and less intelligent. All we can do is try to be the best we can TODAY and try to use and appreciate the talents we have been given. I think you are doing great and just need to have confidence in yourself. Best of luck with your teaching career!

  • http://tootiewritings.blogspot.com Tootie

    Just think how good it will feel when a) you get a teaching job, and b) you prove everyone wrong! :)

  • http://bellerenee.wordpress.com Renee

    This just makes me so angry, Heidi. No one has the right to tell you you’re not good enough. If anything, not doing so well in school is even MORE of a reason to become a teacher. It’s clear to me that you’re a smart, confident, go-getter woman which are all perfect traits to be a perfect teacher. I’m pulling for you and I know something is going to turn out just right for you.

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