I keep wanting to write a specific post. A post that’s not necessarily happy, not unhappy per se but not happy.
More me. Battling life, career choices, choices from seven years ago biting me in the butt now.
But I’m trying to be positive. I’ve sent cold emails to various history departments at various private schools in the area expressing interest and seeking advice. I’ve found programs to apply to. I’m applying to TFA. I’m going to go somewhere. I’m going to teach. I’m doing all I can but it just seems so far away….
In the meantime though? I’m kind of like…
….
just like that. ….
what now? What do I do while i wait? I could continue to pursue freelance opportunities. I could maybe do some website stuff, but I only know basic website stuff so that doesn’t really get me far. I could get a part-time job, but the one I applied to called me for an interview, I called back and never heard back from them! What gives?!
So I’m in a holding pattern. Still battling Virginia for back unemployment. I’m still battling my inner laziness demons. God do I feel lazy and sedentary and I can’t stand to see myself in a mirror. Last week at the clinic when I went to pick up new birth control I got weighed and was not happy. The most I’ve ever weighed. Ever. I’m so ashamed and disgusted.
But I’m trying to be positive. I don’t want to burden anyone. But gah, I just feel myself sinking into this pit and each day it feels like a struggle to get out.
There’s a light at the end of the tunnel? Right? I’ll find something, some position, a job teaching eventually, and I’ll be happy and successful and everything will be how it should be right?
I just…want someone to tell me that it will all work out. *sigh*
