Alternatively Titled: Why I’m afraid I’ll never make new friends and be forced to spend my day playing ball with Pup
I’ve been adjusting this week. Unpacking. Throwing out boxes and more crap that shouldn’t have even made the move to begin with.
My biggest fear is beside me though. The same fear I had within months of moving to DC.
What if I don’t make any friends?
I left behind a pretty bad-ass group of gal pals in DC. I was extraordinarily sad to leave them behind, to have to say goodbye knowing that no where else in this world would I find friends like them. I should note, that it is because of this here blog that I made many of those friends to begin with. How else does a 20 something gal with a boyfriend (now husband), a gal who can’t seem to find a job in a company that has people her age make friends (that’s not entirely true, I did make a few good friends from my previous jobs)?
Blogging. Why not right? I mean, I met so many of my freaders at BlogHer 09, and now I’m just a train ride away from BlogHer 2010 (NYC BABY!) which is going to fabulous!
But, Stamford, CT , isn’t exactly a blogger meca so I’ve found. Seriously, I’ve scoured the 20 somethings, NaNoWriMo, Twitter, Tumblr and everything in between to find another lonely 20 something married gal in the blogosphere and they just aren’t out there.
I have to admit, I did make one gal pal back at BlogHer that recently moved to the area, so I’m not entirely alone but I? Am a pack kind of gal. I travel better in threes or fours. When I was a two-some in college with J, things got messy and I realized later on, that we didn’t have much in common aside from our love of cheap beer, DJ Jerry, dudes who played hockey, and a few mutual friends. Needless to say, after college it was a friendship that had a natural ending (when she moved back home to the midwest) and I didn’t get too bent out of shape about it but it was…sad. As any ending is.
So what does this mean? I feel like I’m in a holding pattern til I get my grad school reply. I mean, I’d love to join junior league but if I’m working from 7-3 and then taking classes from 4-8 for ten months I don’t see that being a viable option just yet (after yes. In January no). Book clubs, volunteering, harranguing bloggers until someone actually pipes up and will do something like go to JCrew sample sale with me? All are very possible alternatives (though I think my bank card is tired. I don’t feel like shopping anymore for a little while. I say that now though….)
I’m lonely though. I’m trying to be positive. Hubs and I weren’t in a good place anymore back in DC. We were both unemployed (as opposed to just me now), in a space that was too small (by about 500 sq. ft) and were living in a previously flooded basement that we didn’t quite have the resources to repair.
Our new apartment? Is quite bad ass. Friends – well, Hubs’s high school pals – are near by and me? I’ve got tickets to a homecoming hockey game next weekend to party like I’m 23 again (I kid, I kid. Kind of.). But something’s missing. I feel like I’m fifteen all over again…eating lunch in the bathroom by myself because I have no one to sit with in the cafeteria. I hate feeling like this, because ultimately, I know that I’m fun, I may seem shallow but I swear I’m not, I have opinions (and not just on the latest Merona shoe line at Target), I read (avidly), I run (when I feel like it) and enjoy yoga (but not paying for it). I can spend time alone but after spending the better portion of a week? I’m getting bored and lonely…especially on nights like tonight when Hubs is going to be at work till almost 11pm. *sigh*
“something’s missing and I don’t know how to fix it…” -John Mayer something’s missing
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
You’ll make new friends (and your established friends will visit)! I just know it. Once you get settled in, just wait…
If they don’t come swarming, I’m just in the Albany NY area…nothing in CT is that far away, I’ll come visit for lunch or something.
It’s a big change. Have fun with it!
Have you been living inside Josh’s head?!!!
aw how could you not make friends?! you’re too fun to hang out with and if i was in CT i’d definitely be your friend
but i also suggest checking out meetup.com and seeing if there are fun meetups in your area, could be fun.
i know how you feel. i recently moved back home to new jersey and have had to try to find friends, luckily i have some awesome coworkers which has helped. but see if your library has any book clubs, or try meetup.com, they have some great groups! i also have gotten involved with my sorority alumni group, which has been amazing!
: )
Ok, here’s the deal girlie! Once I get out of the hospital, we are going to get together (even soon if you don’t mind seeing me with bad hair and wires everywhere). We are going to rock the blogging scene, enjoy the hell out of the book club I’m starting and watch it grow, and find all the free yoga we can. I love yoga and would love to get back to it. We will go to the beach and take fun pictures, there is one I especially want to get to up on my Tumblr account. If we can manage it, we will walk our furkids together. There is so much out there, and yes, moving is brutal on friendships, but we are strong, we are resilient, both of us have been through so much, and we will make a fantastic future for it. Call me tomorrow around 12-2pm, come see me. We can chat, have coffee, play board games, what ever you want. If you are car-less, let me know, we can fix it, ok? EPC is going to rejuvenate both of us. I’d love a J Crew sample sale, and if you’re up for a trip to Ikea, I’ll drive. Remember, I have a big station wagon that rocks with a sky roof. It’s ok, we can do this together. I feel in limbo until I find out about nursing school in January. We have a lot of time until then.
Being young and married does make it tough to make friends, but I’m sure you’ll find some. Take a class, join a book club, etc. and you’ll find people soon enough. You always do.
It takes time but you can do it! You have Hubs and Pup and that’s a great start. It’ll happen
It just takes time. Be patient with it and it will come. And just keep putting yourself out there. I’m surrounded by acquaintances but feel like I don’t have “friends”. They take years to develop I think.
Good luck!
I know this is something I would struggle with if I were in your shoes. I would be willing to bet you’ll meet people in your classes. Definitely pursue book clubs and things like that, especially if you can find free ones. Have you looked into seeing if there is a local running club or at least a running store that does group fun runs? I’ve met a ton of people through getting involved with stuff like that.
You will make new friends in time. Trust me. I had the same issues when I moved here, and it now makes me sad thinking about the people I will leave behind whenever I move away from here. (Fingers crossed. Hopefully soon.)
Major hugs for the meantime, though. If I lived in the Northeast, I’d hang out with you in a heartbeat!
I think it takes time. In the meantime, can you try joining groups like a book club or going to a church or volunteering somewhere? I’ve met nice people doing these things. It’s hard to make friends…it’s sometimes harder than dating.
Also, I not encouraging this, but I met one of my good friends on Craigslist. I had advertised for a roommate and met a girl who seemed like a great match. Living together didn’t work out, but we still talk several times a week and she’s become a confidant in many ways. I’m not suggesting you go on Craigslist and look for friends, but I just want to give you hope that things like this can happen randomly and unexpectedly.
Good luck!
Hello! First comment here. I agree with several of the other replies suggesting clubs, meet-ups, classes, etc….also it is usually a numbers game at first. Meet a lot of people and a few that mesh with your personality best will rise to the top of the pile. It will get better! Swear.
I know what you mean. My work life has just been uprooted (again!) so it screws up all the social life I have been working on building.
Square 1 – Party of 2.
You’re certainly not alone in your feelings! I’ve lived in the same place my entire life, have good friends who live all over the place and am currently single… so not only am I struggling to make even more friends who actually live within an hour of where I’m physically located but am also trying to find The One! And what a frustrating experience that has been of late. Oy. So think of poor little ol’ Meg next time you’re feeling down, LOL!
No, in all seriousness — you’re awesome and you will certainly meet new people where you are. Suggestions like book clubs are a great idea! I’ve been looking into taking classes for fun at a local community college, too. Not sure if anyone suggested that?
I have to echo a lot of the other comments… It definitely takes time. It’s been a year in the NYC-area and I’m not too much further along =/ But then again, my time to meet others has been limited. And I don’t get enough time with Jason as it is so we tend to hang out with other couples. I think it’s easier for a popular blogger like you though
Hello! I came across your blog looking for fellow people living in Stamford. I’ll be moving there in less than 2 weeks, and like you know no one! I’m moving there with my bf, he’s buying a condo in the area. So it would def be fun to chat with someone else who has just moved to the area. Believe me, I’m terrified I’ll be sitting around staring at the walls until we get cable hooked up! I haven’t even found a job!