One of the things I’ve learned over the past few years, is that when you least expect it, you’re going to see something you don’t want to. Whether it’s someone you’re hooking up with change their status suddenly to “in a relationship” or seeing pictures of a wedding you didn’t want to see.
Once upon a time, I had a big crush. A very very big crush. It was schoolgirlish, he barely knew I existed until one summer when my friend was rooming with some of his teammates. We met. Nothing ever came of it.
The crush ended in a crash on a snowy January night in a skeevy bar in downtown Burlington. Some friends and I had gone to UVM to see some hockey games and he was there doing radio. “Come out with us.” I said coyishly.
“Here’s my hotel number. Give me a call in a while, I’m going out to dinner but I’ll meet up with you guys.”
I called him. About four times. No answer.
“Heidi. Face it.” My friend told me as I sobbed in the bathroom. “He’s just not that into you.”
She was right. It had been true, after all my senior year fling had asked after seeing a picture of us at a bar on my 21st if we ever hooked up and a sadness waved over me when i said no. “His loss.” He replied. A compliment, I suppose. But still, it only reminded me of an opportunity that my 22 year old self longed for.
I spent another five minutes crying and pulling myself together. She was right. I tried to make the most of it, but it stung. A lot.
We’ve all had those. Those ones that just…get away. I was lucky enough to have had the opportunity to meet him. To kiss him once as I was leaving the bar – passionately, still gripping his hand and grinning as my friend pulled me out of the bar but the melting…I was 21 at the time, and was on cloud 9.
They’re often not meant to be. They’re often just meant to teach us about ourselves. A blip in the map on the course of life.
Starting last week I started seeing pictures of his wedding on Facebook. He got engaged around the same time that Adam and I did, and though the pictures sting a little by reminding me of a youthful crush, I am happy for him. I hope he’s happy, and I hope he’s happy with her.
Thank you facebook for not only throwing it in my face but for further reminding me that somethings? Just aren’t meant to be.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Aw kick in the gut, no?
Question though. Would you trade your life now and Adam for it? Garth Brooks has a song called “Unanswered Prayers” it talks about how the greatest gift sometimes is what doesn’t happen.
This is a very mature outlook, and it’s probably still a little difficult for you. But, you’re right, some things just aren’t meant to be. It’s great that you are at a place where you can be happy for him and enjoy your own happiness too.
I enjoy when Facebook reminds me of things like this, even though it stings a little. It’s nice to be reminded that some things don’t work out for certain reasons, no matter how perfect they seem at the beginning of things.
Facebook is definitely good for reminding you of things like this… and, in my case, of reinforcing the realization that there are certain relationships I haven’t let go of. Which is probably why all of my exes are still my “friends” on Facebook, despite the fact that we haven’t spoken in months — if not years. I don’t know. When I see cutesy pictures of them making out with their new girlfriends (um, gag — and in a hammock, no less! Who took that photo for them?!), I still feel a wave of hurt! How stupid is that?
That’s awesome that you’re able to remember the past — those ones that slipped away — while still staying very happy in the present. I’m going to follow your lead
uggggg. that totally sucks. i’m sorry you had to see that!