The hardest part of moving to DC at the ripe age of 23 only a month out from college, was making friends.
Luckily for me, I had one good roommate (the other while was nice to me, had some other shady actions), who tried to introduce me to his group but I never connected.
Shortly after moving there, I met A – who happened later to introduce me to Fiance, she was his ex – and we became drinking pals. By no means best pals, and I did feel horrible when despite her wishes Fiance and I started dating.
After Fiance and I began dating, her and I stopped being drinking pals (obvi) – the last time I hung out with her was a trivia night at a local bar and it was with two of her friends and the three of them whispered behind their hands and giggled like they were 13 and making fun of the fat girl. It was awkward and I vowed after that, that I was through with her petty drama. Fiance and I have been happy, and for the most part, drama free since.
It took me time to find friends though, as these types of things do. I tried everything – meetup.com, craigslist, trying to fit in with coworkers but at that time I was temping with a labor advocacy group and they were all far more liberal than I was and I never quite fit in with them either.
I always find it interesting…I moved to a new city and didn’t realize until much later that things are different. I account this to the transition from college to the real world that often sends many twenty somethings spiraling downward to their quarter life crisis. Things are harder. You move to a new city, you struggle to find a niche, people to befriend, to find where you fit in. In a transient city like DC, where it’s never easy to figure out who’s really on your side since so many people are constantly networking and trying to get ahead.
As Miss A said on the fabulous site AskMissA.com -
While you will make some friends in the scene you are trying to break into, the majority will be nothing more than friendly acquaintances with the power to further as a result of their value or connections. Ultimately it is a best practice to have a core group of friends who are outside of your professional socializing – people who like you for the person you are, who aren’t swayed by money and power, who don’t have to spend a lot of money to have a good time, and most importantly won’t abandon you when the chips are down. Playtime is wonderful, but when the party’s over remember who your real friends are and make sure that you haven’t alienated them in the process of pursuing fun and social status.”
So very very true. When trying to network your way to the top, keep friends around that will keep you grounded. Egos tend to run wild in this city.
At some point, trusting new friends is a leap of faith, and you can only hope that they’re as genuine as you hope they are. Lucky for me, the gals I’ve trusted my thoughts and secrets to over the past three years, are amazing, intelligent and gals that I would trust my life with.
The first year in DC was the loneliest I’ve been; I wasn’t this lonely during freshman year in college which for me, was incredibly difficult to adjust to. Sure, sure I was happy. But sometimes, as we all know, we just need to vent to gal pals. Eventually, I started this blog, started a book club, made friends, and now I here I am.
DC is by no means an easy city to move to on your own with no job lined up and no friends on the horizon. Falling in love so early on without any of those two things established only made making friends that much harder. But a little effort, and a certain willingness to put yourself out there, will pay off.
