I seem to have way too much on my plate.
Blogging seems to have been slipping by the wayside, google reader is wayyyyy out of control and all my ducks are in so many different ponds, I couldn’t get them together if I tried.
Boston was fabulous last weekend – it left me longing to go back, spend more time taking in the city, reminiscing, remembering good times…and of course bad.
They used to be overwhelming, the first few times I went back after May 2006 the sadness and grief over what could have been was overwhelming. Sometimes I wonder if I would be happier if things had been different, if I wouldn’t have had three crappy jobs that made me want to gauge my eyes out.
On the other hand, those disgruntled jobs brought me to blogging, which brought me to my current love of all things social media. I keep learning more and more and more about social media, networking and personal branding and find it all fascinating. Everything, as I have said all along, happens for a reason.
Work, my lone client, has been teaching me a lot. I’m looking for new opportunities, may have found client number 2 because the former possible client number 2 was not what I was looking for at all. I’m not, by any means, a sales person.
Back to Boston.
The trip was wonderful in a way that only a trip to Boston can be. So much drinking, laughing, crying, and of course, getting locked out of my friends apartment at three am. Drunkenly laughing with a former fling in a crowded bar and twirling myself around…followed by him cutting me off and putting me in a cab back to the North End. This was after eating a bad slice of pizza at a bus stop on Huntington Avenue because between the Hockey Game and pre-gaming with the girls, there was no time for dinner. What was I thinking acting like I’m twenty-one again?! Yikes.
Much shopping, perhaps too much, but it was worth to buy a birthday outfit I might not have the opportunity to wear – or so I think. My birthday is in a week and I feel like I’m lacking excitement for it. I wanted to do three things for it, this weekend upon finding out we were coming to CT, I was hoping to go see Matt Lowell at Mohegan Sun (that’s another story…but I *heart* him), but a crying mother stopped fiance and we’re at home. Then I was excited to go see my family for the first time since Christmas. But for the reasons I mentioned…not so much. Then Boston for the marathon but no dice. While I am looking forward to celebrating with my gal pals here in DC, I’m bummed because I was looking forward to all of the above things and now I get nothing.
I was expecting, upon coming back to DC, to come back to leave again to Vermont this upcoming week. Not so fast, a death in the family sent us to Connecticut for five days, making it way out of our price range to board the dogs for TWO long weekends. As much as I appreciate friends offering to watch our dogs, well…our dogs are kind of crazy. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I had hoped to make it up to Boston to see my pal run the marathon – flying is too expensive though. And Fiance wanted to go with me….even though I had gotten in my head to go alone and take care of other business up there. It’s all just…not in the budget. Thank you Virginia Unemployment for paying less than HALF of what you said you would.
So amidst all of this, I’ve been overwhelmed. Stressed out. Worried mostly about money, the wedding, et cetera, et cetera. My mind wavers back and forth on whether I should look for a real job or whether I should keep persuing the American Dream of owning my own business and doing what I’m doing. My friends, just when I thought I had my quarterlife under control…apparently I was wrong.
But back to being MIA – I promise I’ll be back. I just hate sounding like a whiny brat, which is really what I feel like. I can’t shop, I feel like I’m unhappy but it’s not unhappiness per se, it’s mostly me being scared. Insanely scared of being a success, what if I fail? What do I do then?
So much to worry about. So little time. *sigh*
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Happy early birthday!
And I’m sure you will find your career path soon enough. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you!
Yuppp I know how you feel. I’m trying to get back into personal blogging again, but who knows where I’ll find the time!
Happy almost birthday
Hope everything is going well for you!
I so hear you on the “running out of time” front. No doubt about it, this is one of those “trial” times for you–those days and weeks where you feel like you’re being stretched at every turn. I’ve been there. I keep making it out to the light on the other side, and you will, too.
Hang in there, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEEK!! Wish you could be home, truly, but we can’t wait to celebrate with you : )
I don’t think you sound like a whiny brat. Things just get kind of sucky and tough sometimes. I’m thinking of you and hoping your bday still turns out to rock!
Don’t worry about failing. Just do it!