One thing that I’ve learned in the past…eight years say…is that good friends are hard to come by.
More so once you leave the bubble that our undergraduate careers put us in.
Some friendships have just fallen to the wayside due to lack of maintenence, lack of communication, distance, you name it. I think, a few months back, shortly after fiancé and I got engaged, a friend of mine said she just felt like she lost touch with me. I just got kind of tired of her antics though – hearing about how many guys she was playing, that kind of stuff. I loved her dearly through high school but I just…not that I was above her, but more that I didn’t necessarily relate to her anymore. It wasn’t a hateful end of the friendship, just one of those that kind of passes as you grow up and grow apart because of different life experiences.
Friendships in college were difficult to make and more so to keep. I’ve learned that good friends are not the ones who are by your side 24/7 but the ones who have your back through good times and bad. I had friends in college backstab me, talk about me behind my back (I’m guilty here too) among other things. But a friend who does that as I’ve learned, is no friend at all.
The friends worth hanging onto?
The ones who will hold you up when you need a good cry, the ones who will listen to you rant about your boyfriends ex for hours on end. The ones who you listen to at 7am on a Saturday sobbing hysterically because of the messy breakup, who understand that because it’s 7am you don’t have much to say but you’ll listen anyhow.
The ones who throw cookies at your ex that they don’t think you should be talking to (and were right in the long run) when intoxicated, the ones who let you cry and sob hysterically when you and your long term boyfriend break up messily. The ones who support you moving away to restart your life.
The ones who will help you land that perfect job, and who send you ecards and emails the day of the big interview to wish you good luck.
The ones you commisserate with, celebrate with, and of course get beligerently drunk with on Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and even the occasional Sunday.
Good friends are good wing women. They don’t ignore you, they return your calls, they listen when you’re still in need of a good rant about your own ex but also know when to tell you when to can it.
I’ve realized that I have, not a huge number of friends as I once aspired to, but that I have a small number of AMAZING friends. Friends I can call up after months of not speaking because life just got in the way and pick up where we left off. Friends I can play phone tag with for weeks before finally getting in touch with them…just to say hi and catch up. Friends that will hug me when my boss gets me down, take me out for that glass of wine when needed, and friends that understand that sometimes? You just don’t want to get off the couch.
Learning the difference between college friendships – where friends were easy to see, easy to call upon and easy to meet up with – and adult friendships was not easy. It was a lot of let downs, a lot of disappointments and then you realize your body (and liver) just aren’t cut out for that kind of debauchery.
Then you realize, hey. We don’t need to drink to be pals. Lunches, daily emails, gtalk, dinners that have a glass or two of wine, long chats on late, cold weekend nights – they’ll suffice. As will the occasional visit, screeching like we’re ten again, and lots and lots of phone calls, facebook messages.
They’ll do.
Because it’s not about seeing each other five days per week. It’s not about who did what. It’s about the memories, being there for one another when you need them. For me, three of my closest gal pals that have seen me through more than almost anyone else (sans my bff C who I grew up with) will be standing up with me when I get married and I couldn’t be more excited that I have three of the greatest girls (and my sister and cousin and future sister in law) to call my best friends.
It’s about honoring the friendship, respecting one another, and supporting one another. I’m lucky that I have not only those three gal pals who are fabulous, but a few great others that I’ve made throughout the years.
These are all the girls who will, I know for a fact, celebrate with me through the many journeys of life (the ones we haven’t already celebrated that is), and the ones who I will be HONORED to celebrate their big moments with as well. The ones who when tragedy strikes, I know will have my back and vice versa. The ones who forgive your mistakes and who you forgive as well, who you realize through the lessons of life…aren’t perfect. But they make you realize that you aren’t perfect either.
That’s a friendship worth saving, that my friends, is a friendship for life.
