“I like escalators because an escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You’ll never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience. We apologize that you can still get up there.” – Mitch Hedberg
I thought about this quote today when I got off the metro. The escalators at Crystal City have been down the past couple days, and I just don’t understand why people stand there so confused. This morning, I don’t know who they were but they looked back at the closed escalator and then back at the one that was stopped – rather…converted into stairs – and looked so damned confused.
People! It’s just freakin’ stairs! We walk up them! We hold the railing and haul ass up. How is this so confusing and/or difficult? I don’t get it. I mean I like hauling ass up the stairs as much as the next person but when it’s the only option? Suck it up yo. People have got to get to work!
It’s even worse when it’s not a bunch of annoyed commuters but rather a herd of tourists who have no clue where they’re going and act as if they don’t know that a broken escalator is not really broken…it’s just been turned into stairs. You hear that tourists, confused commuters and teenagers who can’t be bothered…put one foot in front of the other and MOVE YOUR BUM!
I was running especially late this morning because of delays courtesy of the Yellow Line, so I was a little peeved when people stopped in the middle of the platform looking confusedly at the escalator.
In other news, despite my NCAA bracket SUCKING majorly this year (last year I won in my facebook group pool i was in…this year? I came out with 120 points thanks to hearing somewhere back when it was selection sunday that Kansas was the favorite. They sure were! Woo! I still picked the champion. Which makes…three years in a row. I. Rule. Yes yes…I just rule.
The best part? I don’t even LIKE college basketball. NU never had a great team, I was always more of a hockey fan than basketball so I never cared. But I’ve always filled out a bracket, picking teams based on petty things like BYU v. Texas? Mormons? Or Texans? The lesser of the two evils? I picked the Mormons. They let me down. If it’s a northern school v. a southern school? You betcha I’ll always pick the Northern school. This isn’t always the most effective way of picking but hey…I still came out on top. So boo-mother effin’-ya.
Anyhow, time to get things done.
Tomorrow? My 26 before 26 list. It’s going to be a good one!
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
That’s funny. I never thought about the whole “It’s just stairs” angle. But when an escalator’s broken, I always take the regular stairs if I can. For some reason, walking up a broken escalator seems to take way more effort than the regular stairs. Bizarre!
Word. Unless you are handicapped or elderly, haul your ass up them stairs:)
Have you seen that commercial where the escalator suddenly stops and the people on it freak out like they are stuck in an elevator? It is priceless.
Also, I picked the champion too! But I am bitter about how they beat UNC.
I picked BYU and Texas. At least one of them did well.
I’d be pissed if I had to climb the stairs at dupont circle. Just saying, those things are ridiculous.
I kicked ass in my bracket this year.
Picking 7 of 8 Elite Eight Teams and 3 of 4 Final Four.
I also picked both Memphis and KU to play each other in the finals AND KU to win!
I rule.
And I am 100 bucks richer.
that quote is one of my favorites. america is just damn lazy. (not that i’m excluding myself in that gross generalization) lol
Dude congrats on picking the winner in your pool! My bracket was a fail, but hey… at least UNC didn’t win?
Also I know what you mean about the Metro stairs. At the Waterfront I got stuck behind this woman who would just… not move her damned ass… I just wanted to power up those stairs and she made it a longer, more arduous, and more tiring endeavor.
But the escalators in DC are so steeep….
Seriously, Americans are so lazy.
This happens often at the train stop near my house. I never understand why people look so baffled.
I’m a fellow DC blogger and brand new to your blog! Word about the Metro escalators! My favorite moments are when everyone crowds around the top of the escalator to stare at the non-moving steps, meanwhile, your train is pulling in and the next one isn’t due for another 14 minutes, and you’re already late! Move it!!!!
Metro Center has quite a few escalators out as well. And with the influx of tourists, it has become chaos! As long as they’re not roped off, then get on the escalators and walk!
The other thing that is getting to me is that with all the tourists, as well, they block the left instead of standing on the right.
Can’t. Stop. Laughing. On the escalator-stairs bit and also on the bracket bit. Favorite Line, possibly of all time: “Mormons? Or Texans? The lesser of the two evils? I picked the Mormons.” Classic.
xox
I hate it when the escalators aren’t escalating for me.
I’m uber lazy these days!
I love Mitch Hedberg. Everything he says is so sadly true, but at least you can think of his quotes in moments of intense annoyance. Commuters are really the worst.
I remember when I was in Vegas and so many escalators were down, it was sort of tortuous. But alas, I survived.
Oh no you did NOT just bust out Mitch Hedberg. Love him.
My favorite stupid tourist incident was at Woodley Park a few weeks back; a bunch of teenagers were taking pictures of themselves while riding the escalators, and of course standing on the left and clogging everything up. Then got to the top, but were too fascinated by the novelty of their pictures to realize it, and they totally fell over. Then they were mad. Um, guys? They have escalators all over America. I felt like yelling at them that this isn’t Disneyland! People live here, so step aside!
I’m totally with you on hating the general escalator confusion by people in this city, though. Adapt, and start walking! Seriously.
@ Trish – yes yes they are. So weird that in most stations on the metro they don’t even have regular stairs. a few do but not many…at least not the ones i frequent.
@ Laurie – true. that.
@ Jess – no i haven’t seen that heh.
I don’t really like UNC? Don’t hate me? But umm…go huskies? [insert silence...and tumbleweeds]
@ Maxie – i’ve never had to climb them there. only at cap south. and crystal city. and eastern market. gah. i think wheaton or rosslyn or woodley park might be worse than dupont though.
@ Julie – jeeeaaalllloouuusss. h8.
@ michelle – yes yes they are. and i am totally amongst them. kind of. i’ve been trying to work on that though.
@ liz – indeed. and dude. slow movers for the loss.
@ laurel – yes yes they are. on both accounts.
@ omigoshi – welcome!
@ crazyhecallsme – i hate the left standers. especially at l’enfant. often it’s not even just the tourists but commuters who apparently aren’t in as much of a rush as i am to get my butt home.
@ heidikins –
@ katelin – i want to go to vegas
@ nicole – indeed i did. my old roommate loved him
@ magda – oh man i would have peed myself laughing if i had seen that. nothing makes me laugh harder than stupid people. seriously.
Oh, the rules of DC Metro.
) People don’t even understand the whole walk left stand right deal, so I dunno.
Some of the metro escalators scare me. They’re like a mile long. I like to see where I’m going. And I agree with the person who said walking up a “broken” escalator takes way more effort than walking up normal stairs. I’m sure it’s purely psychological.
)