After writing this post the other day…and after seeing Jamie’s letter to her body, i was inspired and decided to take the plunge and write a letter to my own.
Dear Body,
I’m sorry I’ve been so hard on you lately. Late nights, marathons, two jobs, not eating as great as I should be, I know it’s all been hard on you. I’m trying my best to take care of you, really I am but I just…feel too much pressure from…unnecessary sources to LOOK! MY! BEST! at all times. Even when I sleep.
Really though? I just want to fit into my clothes again, I want to be able to go into a dressing room and not see ugliness everywhere and want to break down in tears. Ugliness that others might not notice but that taunts me in those dressing rooms. I’ve tried to convince myself that maybe those mirrors in dressing rooms are magnified. Maybe, just maybe it’s the lighting and the magnified mirrors. I know this is all highly unlikely but for once I want to not come out of the mall renewing my vows to lose 20 lbs which I probably don’t need to lose anyhow, renewing the vows to devote myself in my free time and days off to losing the weight if I have to strap myself to the stairmaster in order to do so. Thats just such a bad attitude.
I don’t know where my attitude came from, I mean maybe I’ve been reading too many magazines, seeing too many girls that fit into such beautiful clothes that I could never dream of wearing. Maybe I’ve been missing my old 110lb self. I mean, really, things aren’t that bad. You hauled my ass through 26.2 miles remember? Yeah, I do too. The trials of that feat alone were amazing and well, I owe it to you to lose the bad ‘tude.
I mean lets be honest, you put up with way more of my crap than you should. I haven’t been sick nearly as often as I used to, I stopped drinking soda to help you out, I know I cut back on my drinking which I know you’re grateful for – the hungover brunches of greasy pizza weren’t pleasant and neither were the crazy bad hangovers. But it was all fun at the time. I beat up on you for too long- the occasional all nighters, drinking six nights/week, drunk brunches, not eating decent meals for hours on end – if any for that matter because I was too busy running from meeting to meeting to class to class. You put up with a lot of crap.
And I want to make it up to you. For the right reasons though, not just so I can look good in a shirt I’ll wear out maybe once, but so I can be healthy. I owe that much to you. Really though, I wanted to share my grattitude. My appreciation to you for putting up with my crap, my bad attitude, because really self? You’re beautiful. I shouldn’t need my boyfriend to remind me (as nice as it is) because I really should just know it. I owe it to you.
So, I’m going to do better to love you body. Because of your undying love for me. Because you put up with bad habits, poor sleep schedules, terrible eating habits, and everything in between, and as soon as things settle down, I’ll reward you with a nice massage. Something both of us can enjoy for once.
Yours always,
H.
