So I know earlier I had a much more…upbeat and positive post. A post about how I was trying to…re-fall in love with this city. A post about how I longed to be happy here because getting out is seeming harder and harder.
But one too many slow people on the metro escalator pissed me off and made me miss my train today.
what do you mean Heidi…
well…you see…and this is a letter to all the slowpokes, to all the airport goers who stand on the right while putting their luggage on the left…we here in DC, a city of southern efficiency and northern hospitality (or is it the other way around…), like to be in a rush. I mean, I work 9-6 and if I have to work at job number 2 because the damned salaries are so depressed because there’s at least fifty people that would take my job for less than I’m making (ha!), and so a couple days a week I have to work at job number 2 around 7. It takes me 45 minutes – door to door – and so if your ass is slowing me down (I’m looking at you dad with the three kids all wearing matching I <3 DC shirts and fanny packs, and intern bias in high heels going to happy hour from your intern housing at the Hampton…) I have little time to eat. No time to eat makes for a very cranky Heidi.
So here’s some peeves that I found today on the metro…just by going home.
1. there are boundaries people. You might be bigger than me but must you sit on me and make my arms immobile without smacking you?
2. You there with the thirty bags from Pentagon City, it’s rush hour. Move it or lose it.
3. We stand on the right. Walk/run on the left down the escalators. Move it or lose it. If you don’t know left from right, I suggest going back to grammar school.
4. Generally, especially at points of transfer, we let people off the train before we plow on. If i miss my transfer and have to wait 5+ minutes because you couldn’t wait your turn, Ima be pissed dude.
5. Speaking of transfers, move it or lose it on the escalators. We’re all in a rush so you should probably follow #3. Seriously.
6. A specific area of problem? When ya’ll are getting off the green line at L’enfant heading towards Branch Ave/Huntington, seriously if I’m standing against the wall I shouldn’t worry about getting trampled. There is such thing as orderly manner. You should try it some time instead of plowing over innocent standbyers.
This concludes Heidi’s Things I hate about DC (part 1.)
BONUS: finished my taxes tonight, getting a decent amount back from Virginia and the feds but funny how DC made me PAY when i entered in the amount that I paid in student loan interest. Granted it’s only about $20 but still! Come on, I’ve never had to pay, how is it that you can make less than $30k and still have to pay a city that you lived in for three months.
Fuckers. I hate this damn city.
Anything i missed??? What are your pet peeves?
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Okay, so this is not DC…but it’s NoVa so it counts. I hate how the Dulles Greenway doesn’t take cash after like 9 pm. How is someone supposed to know that before they get on. There were no signs (maybe b.c i got on before not, but not off)… and then they’re total assholes even after you apologize and tell them you’re from WV and you don’t know any better. LOL
And I’m not sure if there’s one there now.. but like 2 years ago there was no ATM in the metro station that’s closest to tyson’s corner. I dont remember what it’s call but I had to get on chain something road and then there was no ATM. It was tragic.
Oh and before anyone makes fun of me for only having cash on the toll road… I do have many credit cards I just forgot to bring them with me. I was just picking a friend up from the airport, lol.
LOL so with you on the stand on right and alk/run on the left when it comes to the escalators. Why don’t people get this?!?
At least it’s not summertime yet. It’s mean and probably a bit snobbish to say, but I hate hate getting stuck with tourists who’ve been outdoors all day and are sweaty at the Smithsonian stop. And yes, I realize once upon a time before I moved up this way, I was probably the stinky tourist
What about the pole huggers on the metro? Those people really fire me up.
I mean really, do you really feel the need to lean your entire body up against the single pole that people can hang on to at rush hour? Do you like getting groped by strangers?
The scary thing is, I always find the DC Metro far more civilized than the NYC subway. You should definitely reconsider moving here if “stupid tourists on public transportation” drive you nutsy!
The buses, oh my god don’t even get me STARTED on the buses. They make the Metro look like paradise by comparison.
I can write a whole post about the T also…
And don’t tell me that you miss the most inefficient mass transportation system in AMERICA!
Aside from my outspoken hatred of DC Douchebags, I hate the metro meanderers. I typically find them lolly gagging right in the middle of the main transfer point. So, as I’m running to switch from the green to orange at L’Enfant I’m forced to feel bad when I accidentally/onpurpose run down some dude gazing at the oh so entertaining architectural design of the metro ceiling.
When I broke my right ankle and had to ride the metro during rush hour, it was pure hell to the point I started going off on people “do you see the big boot on my leg?” then stop ramming into it. No one ever gave up their seat. I find myself giving up my seat for the elderly, the handicap, pregnant ladies, etc……..then any guy out there.
I follow the right and left rule, a lot don’t especially tourists.
Great post!!!
I’ve never been to DC, but I totally second what Laurel said about the NYC subways. They’re complete insanity sometimes. I can’t even tell you how much I’m enjoying being out in California with a car. It’s always the temperature I want, with the music I want and I don’t have to deal with people touching me etc. etc.
Side note- how are you liking Eat, Pray, Love?! It’s safe to say that book changed my life. I actually think I’m going to re-read it.
Man I hate slow people. Definitely the same thing applies on the freeway, I hate being late, grrrr.
@ Maxie – thats cause NoVa is lame. I hate NoVa…somehow i’m not surprised that even their stupid toll booths are effed up also.
@ LJ – ugh i avoid smithsonian at all costs in the summer. Tourists bother me. a lot.
@ Laurie – YES! I HATE THEM!!!! I’ll do that on RARE occasion..like you know if no one else is standing but me. But gah!
@ Laurel – I agree…but i find most forms of public transportation to be annoying.
@ Jess – surely you read my post about the guy who died on my metrobus??
@ Julie – ha! yes. yes you could. I don’t miss the T. But sometimes…when the metro is annoying..i kind of do. :X
@ Devon – i effing hate l’enfant plaza. Especially the people who WALK up the escalators…at a speed that even the tortious could show up.
@ Wendy – ick
yeah metro sucks? yesh. indeed.
@ NA – love it
@ Katelin – yep. i’m late almost EVERY day because the metro sucks. And because my boyfriend is slow
hahahaha
1) bad grammar. can’t stand it.
2) obliviousness.
People that hog the whole aisle at the grocery story make me so mad. You are not the only person shopping here! Move your cart and your kids over please! I just want to get some salsa and move on!