I was once a monster. I was mean, I was longing to be accepted, I’d say mean things about people I called my friends behind their backs, and I was spiteful. I held a lot of resentment towards those that had things that I wanted. I was your average catty 20 something college student.
Somewhere along the line, I grew up. I learned that spite and vengeance aren’t worth the energy, that you learn who your real friends are and aren’t and you move on and try your hardest to hang onto those real friends.
Let me set the stage for you – it’s senior year, middle of January/early February and my friends and I are trying to decide on a location for spring break. Being that I had been on co-op for the past three spring breaks, and my first and only spring break was spent in frigid Vermont freshman year I wanted tropical, crazy drunken debauchery.
Sometime after my hockey team lost in beanpot, I was told I wasn’t welcome on the spring break bandwagon because it couldn’t get too crazy.
Seriously?!
I was hurt. Upset. But mostly? Pissed. Off.
I took it out on the messenger. The one who the other played up as “it was her idea.” I became spiteful and essentially cut the bia out of my life. The other (we’ll call her TC) played into my vulnerability. Being in a tumultuous relationship and on the verge of a nervous breakdown will do that to you. She pitched me against the other friend (we’ll call her Ell), she tried to tell me how badly Ell thought of me. That I was crazy, an alcoholic, and you get the point.
At the time? I didn’t see through her “games.”
I didn’t see through her acts. Her meanness. Her deceptiveness.
Well? Sometime last spring I emailed Ell. We hadn’t spoken for a year or so. I lashed out over a misunderstanding sometime in July 2006 having had enough of her “crap” which was really just TC being a crazy bitch (to put it bluntly). But I emailed Ell, and though our friendship will never be as close as it once was, it was at least back.
The other night, she called me. We had a great talk. She’s finally seen the err of TC’s ways. Seeing all the conflicts that TC creates between people, all the lies she tells about dating boys who would never look at her twice. She elaborated a bit more to me today, but it was nice laughing with her the other night on the phone. Ell has never been anything but supportive of me and I missed her. I didn’t realize how much I missed her till we started chatting and I remembered all of our happy hours, nights out, lunches, im’s, and brunches back in Boston. The hung over naps while watching trashy teevee, the shoulders when ever one of us needed to cry. The number of hugs she gave me when the Ex and I would fight is irreplaceable. Few friends come into your life that are willing to defend you to a punch.
What have I learned through all the lies and deception? Well…people who treat other people like crap to your face…are most likely doing the same to you behind your back. People who lie are not worth it, people who lie for the sake of making their lives more interesting are DEFINITELY not worth it. People who lie to make you jealous? are SOOOO DEFINITELY not worth it. Learn what’s important – having a friend who brags about a cousin with a botched nose job, or a friend who will stay up till 4am letting you cry on their lap when your Ex says something unforgivable to you.That night, above any other night will always remind me how great of a friend she was, is and after this recent test of friendship, always will be. The night she stroked my hair, learning more about me than most people will ever know – my most deepest and darkest secret. She held me as my body heaved with each sob and in that dire moment, when I needed a friend more than anything, made me laugh again.
I should have listened to her then. I should have known, she was just so nice. I was never as good to her as she was to me and I learned by growing up that it’s those friends that we need to hang onto for dear life because we’ll need them in the future to remind us of the good times, the bad times, the memories, the tears, and everything in between.
I now know that Ell is one of those friends, but I really wish I had realized it a lot sooner.
Ell, I don’t know if you read this…but if you do…I’m glad to have you back and I can’t wait to be back in Boston to create so many more memories with you! <3
