Sweet mother of goodness.
So you know, I’m dealing with the stress of trying to find a way to this god damned interview and low and behold friggin’ today on my way to the metro I was talking to my and one of my coworkers – one who works closely with my big boss…smiles at me and says goodnight. Chances that she heard me? Most likely. Chances that she’ll tell big boss what she heard? Even more likely considering it was just last week that my boss told me to be sure that no one else found out that boyfriend had his interviews in NYC.
Damnit damnit damnit damnit.
I broke down last night in the Crystal City tunnels, trying to let boyfriend know that I’m upset but that I honest to God don’t know what I’m so upset about. Upset that I feel like I have no one here in DC to confide in except him. Upset because I have no one to call up and be like “lets go get a drink.” Upset that I want this so badly because I know in my heart that this is what I want and upset because I’m so afraid that if I get it (I know it’s still an IF) boyfriend won’t want to go to Boston with me because I worry that he’s all excited about NYC now. Upset because God Damnit, I just don’t want to have to deal with the wrath of my big boss being all like “you need to keep me in the loop blah blah blah.” Just…upse. Though…it could just be PMS (likely).
*sigh*
[/end Unnecessary stress. /end rant]
To cure that all, I jumped off the train one stop after I got on to the holy grail of therapy in DC. The pentagon city mall. Now personally i’m sick of this mall. Of course living a block and a half from it for a year and a few months will do that. But I thought if anything can cheer me up, it’s some retail therapy. Then I got to thinking…how does retail therapy work so well?
So I did a quick check on my bank account balance, then got to it while trying to be efficient so I could get home to the pup. I was looking for a trendy lil coat…or a pair of shoes…just something new. Something pretty…maybe even something blue? I did try on a cute blue polka dot blouse in Jcrew but didn’t know what I’d wear it with. Now I know. Maybe I’ll go back….
But it was one of those nights where I didn’t feel like anything at all fit me and I wasn’t in the mood to try anything on. So even though i saw a beautiful pair of Steve Maddens (which I can’t find on the website!!!) for $40 they didn’t have my size. Bitches. [note later i found these online…am still contemplating buying…I just don’t want to wait for them :X may run up to mall to see if they’re there over lunch
I wonder…how really shopping makes us feel better purely on a psychological basis. I mean it didn’t do much for me (this time) but it’s a nice theory. It was nice to just think about nothing. It was nice to not worry about anything. It was nice to just…meander.
I’ve been known to do this often. I shop. A lot. Though much less lately since I’ve cut back (thanks to my shit salary) but through college and high school I would find any excuse possible to go shopping. Guarantee this weekend when I’m in Vermont…we’ll go shopping.
It dates back to my mother. My wonderful mother. You see, when I was little, my mother used to take my sister and I shopping every Wednesday. We’d go have Sbarro’s pizza for dinner, often my aunt would come along, and my mom would let my sister and I buy something. This was way back when my parents were still “happily” married – Wednesdays were the day that my father would work late.
When I was in high school, long after my parents separated (ok not that long) my friends and I would always go shopping – friday nights, saturdays – it was all there was to do in Burlington. In Boston, freshman year in the spring quarter a friend of mine and I both had Wednesday afternoon’s off so we’d walk up to Newbury Street or over to Cambridgeside and shop all afternoon (god I miss having gay friends!!! best shopping partners EVER). The ex and I would shop together, my friends and i would make escapades to Providence, to Newbury…the Pru…it was everywhere. Every spare penny I had went to either booze…or shopping. I never racked up much debt…well…not then. Now…
…is another story. The first weekend boyfriend went away when we first started dating. he was at a wedding in Florida. His crazy ex was there. I was still in my paranoid state, and so with the approval of a visa…I went to it. $1,000 later…he came home to me. And i had myself a new pair of Uggs, a new Longchamp bag, and a bunch of other crap. My roommate asked me that weekend when I came home if i had bought the mall out. I’m still paying that escapade off.
So there, I said it. I love to shop. It makes me feel good. Touching pretty things I know I can’t afford, wishing I could afford that $400 Coach toee bag, or all those cute sweaters in Abercrombie & Fitch. I mean…gah! There’s so much!
My retail therapy last night however, did little to make me feel better. I think despite my good intentions, I just wasn’t in the mood. Instead – i partook in classic girliness. I watched Sex and the City all. night. long. That’s right. Me wearing boyfriends too big sweatpants because I haven’t gotten around to washing mine that the dog pissed on.
So Readers…What’s your favorite therapeutic activity?
