So here’s a secret about me…
I get gassy sometimes.
So often, people like girls aren’t human. Like we don’t have gas or burp or what have you. We poop, we fart, we burp but often times it’s not in front of other people. Which is okay but if you’re like me…you can’t control it.
Like tonight during my workout. Whoops. Thankfully there was no one behind me on the elliptical…up…toot…down…toot…up…toot…down…toot… damnit. damnit. damnit. I hope no one is there. Sweet Jesus is this half hour almost up???!!!
Up on the third floor with weights…
ab weights…sweet jesus that one wasn’t supposed to smell like rotten eggs….well my sets are done! Ohhh i feel so bad for the guy taking that seat… oh sweet jesus…rotten eggs. bad bad bad.
K gotta keep this workout short because dear god whatever crawled up my intestines and died is coming out sooner later. Oh my god.
So i go to conclude my workout in the hot tub for a couple minutes and ohhh i don’t want bubbles there’s someone else in the other corner. Dear god!!!
Even now…I’m here sitting watching The Girls Next Door basking in my own stench. Sweet mother….
so for all you dudes out there…if any dudes read this…know that girls aren’t perfect. We try not to pass gas in front of you all…we try to be lady like…but well…
maybe thats other girls. Not me. I dutch oven my boyfriend 
He “likes” it. 
I also fart on my dogs head just for giggles.
My god i can’t believe i’m writing about this. I think it’s the influence of the Laurie Notaro book. HA!
