So If you’re going to participate, feel free to borrow the image and be sure to post your link back here so everyone else can see! Post what you’re lusting after this week – whether a pair of shoes, an outfit, a bag, whatever. It’s our chance to be fabulously materialistic without breaking the bank because Lord knows our wallets can’t stand it. I welcome you all to Monday Materialism!!!
Earlier this evening (well, when I got home from a super bowl party in New Haven that is), I happened upon some fabulousness in my tumblr feed. They stopped me dead in my tracks, mostly because I lust for red shoes. I long to have a place to wear them. I want to feel sassy in a beautiful pair of red shoes – and I have a pair. A single pair and oh how fabulous they are but I’ve worn them, in the past year, likely twice since I lost my full-time job in March 2009. Twice.
Freaders, feast your eyes upon these beauts. I have no need for them, I’ll never buy them but oh….lusting. Lots and lots of lusting.
To re-start my motivation and happiness after this awful week, I thought, since Yoga this morning, about what makes me happy, there is a lot, but sometimes, we all need to be reminded of the little things that are worth being thankful for like…
Spending an extra ten minutes in bed with hubs cuddling; cuddling with my puppy; sitting in a big cushy chair in Barnes & Noble reading; free wifi anywhere; a good, cheesy, chick flick; long conversations with good friends; the familiarity of going to a city you once lived in again; the silence of snow falling at night; microfleece blankets; good books; winning a game of scrabble; a cup of hot chocolate made right from dunkin donuts (with skim milk and whipped cream); laughing till your stomach hurts; a massage; the high after a good workout; a good yoga class; meditating; a nice bottle of wine with a candle lit dinner; comfy sweat pants; a hot bubble bath; a tight hug; meandering around a mall aimlessly looking at the styling in stores like JCrew, Ann Taylor Loft and Forever 21; down comforters, and down pillowtops on the bed; flip flop weather; a cute outfit; making new friends; my favorite song on the radio; Ugg boots; seeing my kitchen clean; a good veggie pizza (in the oven!!!); good conversation; a good acoustic playlist; Taylor Swift in the car; Lady Gaga when I’m running; a good opportunity; feeling inspired and hopeful.
I’ve been crying a lot the past couple days, for no reason in particular, other than I just can’t seem to chuck this huge weight on my shoulders about everything and the breaking feeling in my heart that just seems constant. This feeling that for some reason I feel like I’m just destined to fail in everything I do. Pathetic, I know, but just…it’s feeling helpless and overwhelmed by life.
So Hubs sent me this this morning:
God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things that I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.
I’m going to go repeat that to myself, go to yoga tomorrow to get into it again and start reading this book followed by this one. Hopefully this will all help perk up my mood in the long term and give me a little bit of much needed hope.
Sorry to be a bit of a debbie downer lately, sometimes you just need to vent, and writing makes everything better. In happier news, I’ve applied to a few hopeful freelance gigs, a couple of tutoring positions and a job. Grad school said I should hear back “soon.” As in the GPA waiver committee made their decision, sent it off to the director, and once he/she approves it, I’ll hear back. I’m not just keeping my fingers crossed, I’m praying because if this doesn’t work out I may have to rethink everything.
Starting to get fed up with my birth control. I’ve written about this before and have read a lot of great blog posts about women going off their BC. We are NOT trying to have kids just yet, we are in NO position to have them, but from what I’ve read (I still have a lot of research to do before I go off it for sure) it is entirely possible to not get knocked up while off birth control.
My birth control pills have just made me lethargic, moody and have literally killed my sex drive. To the point where I just have no desire. And I? Do not like any of that one bit. I recently changed my pills (again) and there’s no change. Really. So I think it’s time to start making the motions to go off BC once and for all. So… I invested in this book and Amazon will have it at my door in two days (thank you Amazon prime!) and I read a couple of greatblogs that were informative and incredibly helpful (especially after reading all the lovely comments).
So I’m going to read this book, and keep doing research. I just…hate the way BC has made me feel. Combined with every other stress in my life, I’m just…over it. Provided I/we can be responsible, which I know we can if we put our minds to it, I think this will be a good decision. Clearly, I’m not going off BC tomorrow, but soon. Hopefully by the early fall is my goal, to feel comfortable enough with my body that i can go off the pill and not get knocked up the first month because mini-me’s are definitely not in the plan for the at least the next 12 months. Definitely not in my “defeat my quarter life crisis plan.”
Last night I went into the city for a Women in Social Media event. I learned…a little, because a lot of what the panelists said I had heard before at BlogHer and other similar events, but I was inspired. Women who started blogs to just write and share their lives, or businesses to be successful and share their information and knowledge with other women, are now these blogging icons essentially, which gives me hope that someday perhaps I can make something big out of this little blog.
All I’ve ever really wanted to do with my life is make a difference. You see, I majored in Political Science to do something good. In my internship in Senator Kennedy’s office, I got to work on immigration cases, and see all the red tape first hand. And sure, there are a lot of skeevy, power mongering politicians out there, but the work I saw in Kennedy’s office inspired me to do more. I saw the good side of politics, granted I was just an intern who wrote letters but I wrote letters on behalf of the Senator to consulates and embassies, lobbying for various immigration cases to be considered. I wrote letters to people better explaining the process. I felt like the work I was doing was good.
And perhaps, despite the oft superficial topics (materialistic mondays? I need to bring them back!), this blog can do something good. I feel like I’ve been super debbie downer – struggling with my career mostly and what the hell happens if this all doesn’t work out. I’ve been struggling to come to terms with some awful decisions I made in my early twenties, and coming up with a plan B. The possibility of failure is absolutely frightening. I already feel like a failure. I moved to DC to make something of myself and I did nothing. I had three awful jobs that jaded me and made me more cynical than I’ve ever been. I had bosses who belittled me, made me cry and question my own self worth. I came out of DC broken. Deciding to teach and move to CT to change our life – hubs and I – was a big leap of faith. But now it’s kind of like, shit, what if teaching doesn’t work out. What if I just…can’t do it. I need a plan B.
Plan B? I already know is writing. Novels. Freelance. I should be doing this more now, because the best way to become a better writer, obviously is writing. Writing here, here, here and here. Write. Teach. Both are equally worthy to me (and I wrote a 5 page summary of my novel. I need to get crackin!) and both would be equally as satisfying in my opinion. I just want to do something that makes me happy, where I feel like I’m doing something good. I didn’t find that in DC, but I’m certain that at some point I will.
How did you fall into your job/career? Are you happy with what you’re doing?
Senior of college, in the midst of The Ex on our rollercoaster, my pal tried to set me up with her pal. It wasn’t meant to be despite the fact that I fell hard. Real hard. He was a Florida boy and the distance put a wrench in what could have been but more so the fact that we were both at immensely different stages in life made it even more difficult. (then i met hubs. The rest? History). He was a Florida Gators fan. Like super hard core. Tim Tebow’s name often got dropped in the terms of worship, though I never got the hype. I’m kind of starting to get it after reading about him a little more….
I don’t have a favorite football team, I really don’t give a flying eff about football quite frankly (though I have been known to cry at hockey games. On many occasions. No comments from the BU fans in the crowd. ). I couldn’t help but follow the controversy that’s going on around the Tim Tebow ad that’s going to be aired during the superbowl.
A chaste athlete? That won the Heisman trophy?! Seriously?! The athletes I’ve met were hardly faithful let alone chaste. I’ve been hearing a lot that the ad shouldn’t be aired because CBS rejected a gay advertising service ad.
….
Firstly…one has nothing to do with the other.
I will clarify, that I am pro-choice. Not vehemently. Conservatively pro-choice for drastically personal reasons (I’d be an aunt of a five year old. We’ll leave it at that.) I know that sounds like an oxymoron but it’s really not. I think every woman has the right to choose what to do with her body but I also believe in personal responsibility and abortion used as a form of birth control is immensely irresponsible. Yet the super-feminazis out there think that that’s okay. Then again, they also believe that anyone who doesn’t think that that’s okay is W-R-O-N-G.
Pam Tebow and her son feel good enough about that choice to want to tell people about it. Only, NOW says they shouldn’t be allowed to. Apparently NOW feels this commercial is an inappropriate message for America to see for 30 seconds, but women in bikinis selling beer is the right one. I would like to meet the genius at NOW who made that decision. On second thought, no, I wouldn’t.
There’s not enough space in the sports pages for the serious weighing of values that constitutes this debate, but surely everyone in both camps, pro-choice or pro-life, wishes the “need” for abortions wasn’t so great. Which is precisely why NOW is so wrong to take aim at Tebow’s ad.
I pride myself on my open mindedness. I pride myself on always listening to both sides of any argument, having friends who believe very different things from me – both more liberal and more conservative. But I’m not gonna lie, Sally Jenkins is right. N.O.W. is really not helping their image at all by protesting this. Not that they give a damn really, their image is apparently dependent on stifling the other side.
While I remain pro-choice through and through, that in no way means I necessarily condone the actions of the pro-choice movement regarding this issue. However, at the same time, I do also believe that the pro-life movement makes incredibly unacceptable accusations and arguments. It’s kind of sad that neither side will listen to the other and work towards a common cause – lowering the number of abortions and providing comprehensive sex education for all students (especially students in high school).
Now, I don’t think I need to tell y’all to speak your minds but my God please be respectful. I know many people get incredibly heated up over this issue and I certainly want to hear everyone’s thoughts but I will not tolerate any personal attacks or disrespectful comments. My point with this is that both sides of the debate need to be willing to LISTEN and engage each other (wishful thinking).
It was as if somehow, things just started looking better.
I got this small glimmer of hope last night, and then just like that, at 10am with a simple phone inquiry – “sorry we can’t help you.”
The story of my god damned life – or so it would seem.
But then?
I filed for unemployment, and it was like after months of bending me over, the state of Virginia just decided suddenly that it was okay that I receive my unemployment benefits again. Free money while I contemplate the meaning of life (I kid, I kid, I am applying to jobs so shut up and leave your criticisms at the door) and nurse the wounds from a quarter life crisis gone very, very wrong – and well’m okay with that.
I really think this whole journey would make a decent book. I mean, the tales of snotty cliquey coworkers from the government relations firm, and the picture perfect job on paper turned into a nightmare with a coworker throwing me in front of a bus then backing over me ten gazillion times (no really, it came in the form of getting “laid off”) which later turned into getting hitched and having a temp job contract “terminated” on my honeymoon in the Carribean and making the choice to turn my life around and pursue the career of my dreams with all the hurdles that come with it. This could make a decent memoir no? I mean, hell if Laurie Notaro can write books about being stupid and hated by her family (hilarious but you have to wonder WHY?!) then I’m sure some confuzzled 20 something battling something awful of a quarter life crisis could sell. Maybe. I dream of being a teacher and a novelist/memoirist someday… hell I just want to be published.
I should start writing. Like now (or whenever I get to a location that has you know…heat because our furnace is broken and we have none so I’ve been sitting in an apartment with no heat all. day. long. Thanks hubs for taking the car leaving me stranded.)
{addendum: that last part was written earlier – our landlord put us up in the fashionable La Quinta hotels for the night…on them obvi. Which was offset by the fact that NU forgot to pay for the apps they ordered at the Beanpot alumni event tonight thus I had to front the cash for it since everyone else had left. Am pissed, and will seek reimbursement asap. I didn’t order that food after all. Ri.dic.u.lous.}
Freaders, I had a realization. A very big one. A good one.
You see, Hubs told me the other night while we were driving up to Boston (well not really Boston, Ashland – between Framingham/Worcester) for a surprise party that I needed to write down everything I need to do to get certified to teach. That I’m not looking at all my options.
He’s right. I hate to say that but I’ve been “thinking” like I know what I’m doing and what I need to do to get certified but I only know that I: a. need to get certified in CT; b. that I have to take a couple history classes; c. my gpa sucks and might not get my sorry ass into a program by .06 points. Damn those bad decisions in 2001-2002. And later in 2004.; d. that most programs couple the certification with the masters which makes sense since I’m going to have to get my masters anyhow.
But I went back and was looking at the DOE website and was looking at some of the other programs.
Freaders, there’s a program that I might be able to start like in March, might need to take those 3 history courses and like 6 ed courses and do student teaching and wham bam thank you ma’am I could apply for my certification. I need to call tomorrow afternoon to clarify all of this, but I’m fairly certain that zomg I could student teach in the fall if this works out and thus be in a classroom a year from September.
Z-O-M-G.
My hope is renewed. I mean, I need to call to get details but if there are programs out there that simply get my sorry butt certified? Then let me worry about the masters later? Hey man, I’m down.
You see…
There are days when I find myself feeling absolutely hopeless. Then there are days when I find things like this that give me hope again. But despite the tears – the big-fat-oh-my-god-i’m-never-going-to-amount-to-anything ugly tears that I cry on an almost regular basis, I have a smidgen of faith. I have to. I can’t fathom where I’d be otherwise – wasting away? Crying about how I’m a failure?
Dudes, I’ve worked my ass off. I put myself through college. I moved myself to DC. I worked hard. I landed in some crappy situations but man, in the words of P. Diddy…”can’t nobody hold me down…oh no, I’ve got to keep on moving…” (and we’re back in 1996!!!) From now on, when I’m feeling bummed? I’m going to listen to THIS song.
IN other news, I have much to do this week – as far as following up with grad school 1, making an appointment with this one school I found and call another one. I also need to call the board of ed and clarify with them what, if any, courses I need to take (some of my poli sci courses may double as history courses). In addition, tomorrow is Beanpot Monday so I have an alumni event tomorrow night, Wednesday I’m popping into the city for an event I saw on a blog: Women in Social Media which should be interesting and one night this week I’ll have a junior league committee meeting.
Busy. Busy. Busy. But not gonna lie? I really like it like that.
Up until recently, I was vehemently on the “anti-leggings as pants” team. Until I started reading this blog. This blog? Gave me a renewed appreciation of all things leggings – now granted I don’t own $78 Lululemon leggings (but I will! Soon! Thank you state of virginia!) I own cheap little $5 ones from Forever 21 (but I upgraded! To $15 ones from Macy’s!) but the comfort level was pretty high and I…am a big fan.
So I’m using that blog, and some polyvore-age to inspire myself to wear leggings. As pants. More often.
Rules for wearing leggings as pants:
1. Thou shalt not wear see through/sheer leggings
2. Thou shalt not allow camel toe
3. Thou shalt not allow panty lines
4. Thou shalt not allow wedgies
5. Thou shalt add color!
6. Boots. Or flats. Boots but preferably not Uggs. (as much as I love mine)
Note the differences. You’ll see me wearing leggings as pants on days when I don’t really need to leave the house, or on days when I do have to leave the house but not to do anything but maybe go to the gym or run errands. Definitely not for Junior League events, Alumni events or job interviews/tutoring days. You will always see my ass covered, you will never see sheer leggings or metallic leggings (WHY!? WHYYYY????.
But aside from the fact that I realized my leggings were slightly more sheer than I would have liked (I expected more from you Forever 21!!!), I was rather comfortable (they were also a little more low cut than i would have liked but i had a sweater covering my bum so that made it better) and you know what? I’d wear it again. That’s why I used a gift card to spend $15 on leggings today.
Hubs you should read this: for valentine’s day? All I want is this, this, and this. {and of course my garmin, and new sneaks. but those are coming next month anyhow for marathon training.} Yes I know that’s all extravagant – I’m exaggerating clearly. I know we can not afford all that, but still, sometimes, it’s fun to want. Isn’t it?
What say you all freaders on this debate – leggings as pants or not…?
The idea of WITWW is to post a picture of you in someplace in the world…it doesn’t have to be somewhere foreign or tropical. Just a picture of you somewhere that you consider traveling.
Confession, I’ve never been to Disney World. Hell, up until July 2006 I had never been to Florida in general. The furthest south I had ever been was Washington, DC (well. Ocean City Maryland is further south so I guess that wins) so to celebrate my first real job offer after graduation, I booked a couple tickets to Fort Lauderdale to visit one of my bff’s who had recently moved there. It was hot, there was a lot of shopping, sun, boozing at outside bars, shrimp, and bad karaoke. It was, one of the greatest weekends of my single gal life.
Nothing beats a little fun in the sun. Is it spring time yet?
{random fact about Hubs and I: that bottom picture of me was a myspace/facebook picture for a while and one of the first pictures he saw of me after we were introduced – one of the many pictures of me that “intrigued” him after we stalked each other down on facebook/myspace. And be we, I mean I stalked him on facebook. Mostly because I will facebook anyone within an hour of meeting them. No lie. Are we facebook friends???}
Ladies, I’m bring back Monday Wants. Except I’m making it better. You’ve seen Jess @ Classy in Philly’s fabulous Where in the World Wednesday; we’ve all heard of Menu Monday’s and Thankful Thursday’s, but now as was suggested to be by a fabulous reader, Monday Materialism/Monday Want’s is back but now I’m making it better. I’m encouraging audience participation.
{By Jones NY via DSW. $55 (!!!!)}
{image via 
